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Living & Giving
How A Cross-dresser Challenged My Views on Equal Rights for Men
Written by: Akua Hinds
November 24, 2015
There have been so many life lessons that I’ve learned while working in this business. For the past couple of months, I have been paid to speak to one of my phone customers (who I've never met in person) through a service I work for as an independent contractor about an issue that has been impacting his life in a major way. This man is an American, he’s in his 40s, he works a very professional job, is caring, thoughtful, and sensitive to a woman’s needs. He’s quickly become one of my favourite customers, and I enjoy our conversations. While I’m not a trained psychologist, my customer enjoys talking to me for coaching and feedback about his daily life challenges. Oh, and there’s one more thing; my customer is also a cross-dresser.
Ever since he was young, my customer has been fascinated with women’s apparel. He loves bras, dresses, high heeled shoes, makeup, and he especially enjoys dressing up and looking cute. When he goes out dressed up looking like a woman, he introduces himself with a female name instead of his actual male name. My customer can actually pass when he goes out, and people who see him dressed in a feminine way assume that he is a woman. However, my customer is not a woman, and no amount of makeup, jewellery, and nylons can turn a man into a woman. Transgender surgery and hormones cannot change the gender DNA of any person, and my customer is fully aware of this and he agreed 100 per cent when I pointed that out to him. Regardless, he feels desperate to understand how women feel and what they go through on a daily basis.
I am firmly of the belief that The Creator does not make any mistakes. A woman is someone who was born as a girl and raised into womanhood. Being a woman is a birthright that cannot be bought and sold; it’s either given to a person or it is not. I don’t agree with deceiving people about who we are. No matter how much our society tries to influence people, men cannot be women and women cannot be men; it’s a physical impossibility that surgery and hormones can never fix. While I can understand feeling curious about what life is like to walk in another person’s shoes, I feel that we should each celebrate who we are and appreciate the bodies that we have been given. It is also very important to know who we are getting involved with. People have the right to know if they are dating a man or a woman and they should not be deceived into believing a person is something that they actually are not. Even so, this experience has made me realize that it is discriminatory to say that only women should be able to wear dresses, makeup, jewellery, and heels.
Women have had to champion for equal rights for centuries, and the fight for equal rights is still happening. Women in Saudi Arabia are not allowed to drive, simply because they were born female. Is that fair? No, of course that is not fair. However, it is also not fair to deny a man the right to look and feel beautiful wearing a dress simply because he is a man. Now, understand that I’ve never once wished to be a man, and I have no idea what it truly feels like to be uncomfortable with one’s gender. I have always loved things that are associated with femininity such as dresses, skirts, cosmetics, and jewelry. I can’t relate when some other women tell me that they dislike wearing dresses and don’t even own dresses. Even so, I fully understand that wearing makeup and high heels have nothing to do with being a woman even though those things are typically associated with women.
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I prefer to see men wearing manly clothes, and I hate having to guess at someone’s gender because of their androgynous looks. My customer has gone through many unique experiences ever since he started dressing in a feminine way. He still dresses in manly clothes when he goes to his job, but he enjoys dressing like a lady when he goes out socializing. Very few people in his life know that he cross-dresses, but a few people have found out. He enjoys dating women, but he recently started dating men for the first time, and he now considers himself to be bisexual. The American city that my customer lives in is not exactly a place where cross-dressing and homosexuality are celebrated. I have visited that city a few times, and I definitely plan to visit it again because I love it, but it is a very Bible-belt place and very conservative.
If my customer lived in New York City or in San Francisco, the citizens there would probably throw him a ticker tape parade in celebration of his journey exploring his sexuality, but the city he lives in is one in which cross-dressing and homosexuality are not widely embraced. Still, my customer’s sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and caring attitude have influenced me in a positive way. I enjoy coaching him, and even though I get paid to talk to him, he considers me a friend and I consider him to be a friend as well. His genuine concern for women and for humanity have given me hope that there are decent men in the world who are loving, compassionate, considerate, caring, and empathetic. Despite the cross-dressing and bisexuality, I appreciate my customer’s respect for women and he has many qualities that I would look for in a man I’d like to date.
Akua Hinds works as a journalist, actress, owner of 3 dating sites www.InterracialDesires.net, www.RichSinglesDate.net, www.ChristianPartner.co , music performer & instructor, and independent Passion Parties business owner at www.PureRomance.ca/AkuaHinds and www.PureRomance.com/AkuaHinds selling passion products. Please visit www.AkuaHinds.com for more information.
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